it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
