Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
