So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
