i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
