you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
