biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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