Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
