Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
