turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
