I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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