I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
