Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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