and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
