I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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