I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
