so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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