I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
