After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
