Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
