i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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