i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
