When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
