FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
