i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
