drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
