I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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