I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
