A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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