I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
