yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
