I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
