my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
