I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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