we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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