can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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