Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
