those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I had to cum in my sink.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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