but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
