You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
