You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
please come you make the beer taste better
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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