I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
