pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
