So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it glows. i had to have it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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