I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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