he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sorry about my life...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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