There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
