remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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