doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
ok first of all what the fuck
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize