apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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