Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
