So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
