I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
