I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
