Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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