The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
