Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
