I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
