So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
