He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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