Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
