As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
