OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
