He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
our cab driver is having phone sex.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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