her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
