She's JV to your varsity
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
