You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize