Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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