Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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