I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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