Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
