When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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