I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
