The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
