this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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