I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
