and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
