Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I love having hate sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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