i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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