i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
