my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
