you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
