I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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